vodka-shots-suicidal-thoughts:

loving you is comparable to a finger trap

you put one finger in, you have fun waving it around on your finger, laugh at how long your pointer is now

then, after a period, you stick your other hand’s index finger in

now, we’re trapped.

I can get out myself, itll be violent but itll be done

you gave me the trap though, this puzzle

it’s supposed to be a game

it’s supposed to be fun

so I sit there, wiggling my fingers

trying to figure out the dynamic

brows furrowing together in thought

feeling the paper tighten around my skin

frustration in how flimsy this thing is

the edges start to dig in

the ends start to hurt my fingers

i begin to realize this an inescapable vortex

a net designed to catch and not release

the panic begins to set in after a bit of not being able to move freely

being incapable of protecting myself

my eyes widen and sweat starts to bead the longer my fingers are encased

such little bits of me cause me to be completely and utterly incapacitated

I cant get out, without breaking what you’ve given me

without shredding the paper against my fingers

without breaking the trap in half

without absolutly escaping in the most feral, destructive way imaginable

unless

you help me

you know what to do

you know that all you have to do is gently take my encased fingers

hold the trap

help me

hold the trap

hold one side

and then the other

watch as my eyes get huge and my chubby little fingers are freed one by one

you have the knowledge to set me free

you have the wisdom to make the panic disappear

you have the power to set me free

yet you dont

I think you enjoy watching the struggle

biding your time, sitting on the joke of my freedom

the cruel intention of entrapping me with no intention of ever letting me go

with no intention of helping

with no intention of freeing just one of my fingers

and putting one of your own in place of it

with me

together

enduring the puzzle

figuring out the complications

no intent to share your knowledge of knowing the way out of the labyrinth

and no intent of joining me in figuring out how we get out, together

because you didnt want me to be free

you wanted to trap me and walk away

leaving me to break the best puzzle I’ve ever encountered

just to hold my hands together again

feel what I feel like again

still, I do what I can to fix the trap

give it to you again

so you can return it to me

and I’ll act as if I’ve never seen it before

just to see if you’ll share the knowledge this time

they tell me insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting something different

but I do things differently every time

you dont

so I’ve come to the conclusion

that being the same person over and over again and expecting different results is insanity

it is not our actions

but our being/personality

that drive us insane

because I know how to get out of the trap myself without breaking it now

but I’ll keep it on until you teach me how to take it off

my insanity is reflected in the stubbornness of my love

and the pain I’m willing to embrace to give it to you

the tiny scars on my fingers tell stories of how many traps I have broken trying to escape without knowing how

the crunch of the paper is an echo of the reminder of all the times I’ve broken free on my own

the snapping in half of the trap is a flashback to desperation and the need to feel something again

I felt the grass, and the wind, and the trees, and all of these other beautiful things

my fingers remember what freedom feels like

my heart on the other hand

is wondering where my other half is?

I walk around with one finger in the trap

just to see if you will find me, take my hand with one humorously long pointer finger

and join me

put your finger in the other half

complete the other half of this game

this trap

this love

let us experience what freedom, together, is like

watch how freely we walk and live while still connected

nobody sitting there with nowhere to go and the other looking down on them

neither of us stuck crosslegged on the floor of a dark room trying to figure out how to get out without breaking everything near us

sometimes, I sit there with my hands caught because it feels like someone else is holding them

I’m an expert at getting out of the game all alone now

I know how to repeat this history without breaking anything now

you lack the courage and the conviction to do something radical like change who you are to me

and that

that, is what drives my insanity

If I am going to offer my heart up on a silver platter once more I would at least like the courtesy of knowing mine is the only one on your menu.

timeaway:

Who else suppresses their feelings in an attempt to make things less complicated but ends up just making them worse

jehovahhthickness:

Shout out to everybody that apologizes immediately after they were rude, disrespectful or offensive.

Originally posted by fromthemotionpicture

rainrose:

um no offense but whom'st’ve going to loveth me

The Relationship Hole.

The gaping hole in my chest feeling is a door only you can open and you have no intention of filling it. I spent a very long time stitching intricate patchwork over everything dark and black, I can’t appreciate you coming through and ripping through it with no regard for the delicate love that I had to put into myself in order to create that barrier. Please don’t make me want you to fill that space if you’re not 100% invested in filling it to the brim and then some with your love. Don’t make me desire a relationship after all this time without really meaning it. Please, I have no room for half of someone. The emptiness will not be satisfied by a mere drop from that cup, the abyss demands the whole bottle. It is better to leave me empty than to leave me with only part of something. This is an all or nothing deal.

Could you paint me a Birmingham?

i-wrotethisforme:

“It meant nothing” does not make things better. Because if you cheated on me with someone you genuinely thought was your soulmate, which made you realize I wasn’t, then I can’t truly be that mad at you for pursuing that assuming I genuinely care about your life happiness, which I do. But if you cheated on me with a random girl you met at a bar, who you had no intention of seeing again and who you’d never want a future with and didn’t even find attractive, that’s just a clear cut case of me not being enough for you.

Don’t put someone else through denial and anxiety and insecurity because you’re scared of being single. Just don’t.

I would’ve killed someone just to know the truth. I am a forgiving person but lying and gaslighting for years was the absolute worst choice that guy could’ve put me through

Do the right thing and tell them the truth